love, drama, relationships

"my heart has been broken by the person i love most and it had been broken into pieces and i need him to fix it"

I know my friends or family will think its another episode of my drama. But NO! Sorry to disappoint you but i'm disappointed myself. I don't understand this part of a relationship where i have to go through thick and thins, highs and lows whatever-nots but believe it when i say "Yes i'll be your girlfriend or whatever", I'll try my best to do the best i could, I'm not the type to sit and watch my relationship grow, i work for it, i'll nurture and care for it. For heaven's sake,whatever crap am i talking about?

I know a part of me wants to fight this battle and another part of me just wants to let it be, but how am i to watch and just watch? When you watch movies, when you read books or articles in magazines, you'll somehow experience the part where one party will fight to win till they die - or not?

So. that means i'm willing to fight and win it. But it seems like he had lost hope in it, he said he wanted the best for me and what not but i believe we can suit ourselves, adjust here and there, tune our egos, increase the capacity to understand each other and love each other more. right? or did i get it wrong?

I believe in a relationship, there'll be mishaps , misscommunications, misunderstandings but mine is rather waaaayyy too much and i take it as a process and i believe that if i am able to pass all these, i'd learn to handle future problems better. like the saying "berakit-rakit ke hulu, berenang-renang ke tepian, bersakit-sakit dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian".

I'm only human, i have my limitations, my patience, my big-head and all. Tapi like Attie said "Sabar itu separuh daripada iman" I definitely know that but how long more?

I know he can live well too, he has his family and the fact that i'm far from him, duh! But i'm certain that he needs me as well. To cheer him up after a long day at work, to have sweet talks at night, to laugh at his jokes, to reminisce memories, to hear him sing and play the guitar whenever i want to, to remind him for his meals, to remind him to smoke lesser, to know there is someone to talk to anytime without scrolling the phone book twice and being indecisive on who to call and to tell him that i love him every now and then? Tell me how am i suppose to live without all that?

I'm definitely confused if this is a challenge for him and i or its a calling from Allah s.w.t. I don't want to go against His will, yet i'm uncertain if i can cope with my feelings, my brokenheart. All i need is more patience, more faith, and more love."Ya Allah berilah aku petunjuk"